Passed over once again

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Well its official! I’ve been passed over for Citizen of the Year again. What is wrong with this town? Even if everybody in town has had the award it should have been my turn by now. This year is just like all the other years. Like I say every year, “They always give it to the pretty faces!” I’ll say right now that things will be different next year!

I’m going to make sure that a few rules are changed to make it easier for the common man to win. Some of the rules we have now just don’t make any sense to me all. For instance there are about 47 rules that concern “Nominations.” I think some of them were designed just to keep me out of the running. Who the heck made the rule that you cannot nominate yourself? What the hey!

Only once did I nominate myself, and got caught! All the other times I used the name “Anonymous” or “Name withheld for religious purposes.” How can a nomination be rejected if they don’t know who the nominator is and why are all the rejects sent to my address! I’ve got a whole stack of rejected nominations and every one of them was rejected for a different reason.

In 1985 it was rejected stating, “REJECTED-you must use the metric system.” What the hell is that all about? There aren’t even any stupid numbers on the nomination form so I sent it back to them. The next day they sent it back to me with red circles around my date of birth. Every year after that my D.O.B. was June twenty-eighth, nineteen forty eight but that was always rejected because my answer didn’t fit inside the little box.

Why does there have to be a reason for being nominated? So what if I don’t run a charity organization called “Feed the Hungry Kids of Winters California.” So what if it is a little fib, everybody knows I’m a liar anyway. They expect me to lie so what’s the big deal. Is there anything in the rule book that says you can’t lie on a nomination? I think not!

Has anyone ever seen the little sign on the door of the community center that pops up saying “Sorry Closed?” That’s what I thought! It only pops up when I go to the door! Hello, I can hear the lock clack shut every time! When I go around and knock on the window they act like they can’t hear me or they call the cops. I guess there is a law against stepping on the stupid flowers in front of the windows.

One year I tried to pay a kid to nominate me but he wanted a thousand dollars. He said, “500 up front and the rest when the deed was done.” So I say, “a thousand dollars, that’s ridiculous!” So then he says, “Yep, that’s the going rate!” I hate that kid! I think he is in prison now for murdering his mom.

Another year I figured I would run for mayor but I couldn’t get anyone to nominate me for that either. Not only that I can’t get nominated for a Pulitzer or a Nobel Prize either. What the hey! You would think my wife would nominate me. Isn’t there a clause in a marriage certificate that says she has to obey me?


  1. I would nominate you but the silly rules say you must live in Winters and you can’t be a cat. I’m a smart cat. They should let me nominate you

  2. I would nominate you but the silly rules say you must live in Winters and you can’t be a cat. I’m a smart cat. They should let me nominate you

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