A Winters Tale: EXCLUSIVE: News from the future

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A top secret program has been underway for some time now at the University of Science.

They’ve developed a machine which can see six months into the future.

This week, a source of mine slipped me an article from the Winters Express, written in June of 2021.

This glimpse of the future is well worth sharing.


Winters continues to behave latest new health orders
By Express Staff

(June 1, 2021)  Winters residents continue to blindly obey the ever shifting regulations being issued by the State of California and enforced by local officials.

“We’re getting awfully used to this,” declared one local man. “I kinda look forward to it.”

Another Winters resident echoed the sentiment. “It’s just easier,” she said. “It means I don’t have to bear responsibility for my own health. I let the government do it.”

The latest modification to the shutdown order updates last month’s rule requiring all cars entering from Davis to present a special visitor’s visa.

The modification this week would ban Davis residents from entering Winters while wearing sandals. White socks with sandals will be permitted, but only for stays of one hour or less.

Under the new regulations, at least two members of the City Council will be stationed at the roundabout to check documents and issue citations if necessary.

Aggressive new sterilization regulations will be implemented starting today.

On the heels of last month’s order requiring nut packing firms, like Mariani, to wipe each harvested walnut with at least one ounce of hand sanitizer, Winters’ two remaining restaurants must also comply with the new “Cleaner is Better” protocol.

Starting today, customers ordering breakfast at Putah Creek Cafe will be served individually wrapped pancakes, which they must unwrap using a sanitized implement, such as “tweezers or needle nosed pliers.”

Using one’s teeth to open plastic wrapped food is now a misdemeanor under California law.

Across the street, at the Buckhorn, outdoor dining is permitted only if customers agree to wear sterile clothing and headgear, such as CM-7M Military Grade Gas Masks.

Service hours will now be limited to between 5 p.m. and 5:10 p.m., after which restaurant lights must be extinguished and outdoor picnic tables removed.

Also starting today, all government offices, places of business, and houses of worship will be required to “prominently display” a portrait of Governor Gavin Newsom, no smaller than 8×10 in dimension.

The portrait must be “clearly visible to all customers, and may be displayed alongside the portrait of Dr. Anthony Fauci,” which was supplied to all businesses last month.

In addition, all Catholic drivers in Winters will be “strongly urged” to replace any St. Christopher medals, believed to protect a vehicle’s occupants, with medals featuring a small image of Yolo County Chief Health Officer Aimee Sisson.

“This will remind people that Dr. Aimee is watching over them,” according to a press release from Supervisor Don Saylor.

Starting this week, the current “Stay at Home” order will also be modified.

Reclassified as “Stay in Your Room,” the new regulation “forbids movement between bedroom, kitchen and bathroom except for essential reasons.”

“I think this is a great regulation,” remarked one Winters resident. “I’ve been raiding the refrigerator too often. This will help with my overall health.”

The rules governing hotels and rentals are shifting again, and will be good news for the ailing Hotel Winters.

County and State officials will be encouraged to stay overnight, at no charge, and will be permitted to “hold banquets, birthday celebrations, and other indoor gatherings as deemed necessary to their mental and physical well being.”

Doors will remain closed to the public.

Finally, Winters Police officials have been ordered to “use all means necessary” to enforce the new health laws and to “pursue all legal action against violators.”

The Police Chief announced that signs will soon be posted throughout the City, which read: “Obey. It’s for Your Own Good!”


If the above article from the future seems absurd, think about this:  

Accepting ever-changing “health” orders without question only means new and more stringent orders will follow.

And the more we turn them into habits, the more difficult they will be to undo.

What do you think life will be like here in Winters six months from now?

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