An incident at the city pool

Look to Donald Sander for the pool-related news the Express is afraid to report.

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Everybody knows that in a town like Winters some people are more essential than other people. There are those that seem to know everything that has happened or is going to happen way before everybody else. If I had to make a list of these essential people I would have to put my friend Terry Vender’s name at the top of the list. This guy knows everything that happens in this town. Like I told you before, Terry Vender is a G-Man. He works for the Government. He drives around town in a white government truck. If anything goes wrong in this town, Terry Vender is the guy that makes it right. He knows how to fix anything. I know this for a fact because I’ve seen him do it. Sometimes he even lets me help out. I remember a couple of months back when the sewer line was clogged up near First Street and Main. I don’t really know how he knew it was clogged but when we pulled the manhole cover off I thought to myself, “Yep, it sure is clogged up!” I don’t know what clogged it up but it sure splashed everywhere when we shoved a big rotor-rooter thingy up inside the pipe. Terry gave me a pair of rubber gloves and let me shove that thing in the pipe and then pull it right back out. I would like to say it was fun, but it wasn’t. Sometimes Terry comes to my house for a coffee break because he likes the way I make coffee and it’s free. Terry doesn’t know it, but when he drinks coffee his mouth will start to flappin. One time he told me about the secret facility that is under the maintenance yard. He said it goes down for five stories and no one knows about it. He says most of the stuff that goes on at the city yard is secret because nobody knows about it. The other day Terry and I sat drinking our coffee at my house when two of Terry’s phones went off like an alarm. Terry said, “Emergency at the city pool! I gotta go!” Terry was calm, cool and collected but I was freakin out! I said, “What’s wrong?” Terry replied, “We got a fecal incident!” He was running out the door when I yelled out to him, “What’s a fecal incident?” As he opened the door to his truck he turned and looked at me with a worried look on his face! He said, “It’s poop! “A baby pooped in the pool!” I said, “Hey wait, I want to go and see it!” “Nope, you can’t help on this one, you don’t have a sanitizing suit!” He yelled out the window as he sped off. I got in my truck and drove over to the public pool but it was too late; they had taken the baby poop out already. When I asked if I could come in and see it he explained that when there is a fecal incident everything has to be shut down and sanitized at an astronomical cost to the city.  As it turned out, I never saw the poop and I think the baby escaped somehow to avoid prosecution. So today I awaited the newspaper delivery but there wasn’t a word about the fecal incident! When I asked Terry about that he said that the newspaper isn’t allowed to report what goes on at the city. It’s all secret so if you want to know what’s going on you have to come to my house for coffee.]]>

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