“Hats off!” to the Republicans for walloping the Democrats in the midterm elections. The Reds brought brass knuckles and nunchucks to this fistfight and came out swingin’. Of course, the victory isn’t that impressive if all your opponent does is curl into the fetal position and whimper.
Democrats. How do I put this delicately …
Well, I can’t.
You suck. Like an old Hoover on a ratty throw rug.
First off, what was the Democratic message, anyway? Republicans ran on “Obama bad!” and Democrats ran on “Uhhh….”. Rather than putting up their fists and declaring, “No, Obama good!”, Democrats cowered in the corner peeing their pants and crying for their mamas.
The bizarre part of how badly the Democrats let themselves be spanked is that they had knuckles and nunchucks too. And didn’t use them. Let’s recap: When Obama arrived in the Oval Office in 2008, George W. Bush had totaled the family car, walked away with a shrug and a smirk, and tossed Obama the keys. The stock market had collapsed, and the auto industry was following suit. Home repossessions, layoffs and unemployment were skyrocketing. We were already in a recession and facing Depression 2.0. And, Osama bin Laden was sitting back and laughing at us.
Today, the auto industry is bouncing back. Interest rates are down. Foreclosures are down, unemployment is down, the stock market is soaring, and bin Laden is dead, dead, dead… all under Obama. These things are absolute facts. Indisputable. Dems, did you use those facts to your advantage? No. When the Reds hollered “Obama bad!” you just stood there, your hands shoved in your pockets, whistling and looking the other way.
Democrats treated Obama like he was radioactive, rather than riding on the coattails of his accomplishments, particularly “Obamacare.” It’s not like it’d be hard to find average citizens to back you up — 7.3 million, as a matter of fact. That’s how many are currently enrolled in healthcare via Obamacare. Do you think one or two or 10,000 would’ve been willing to stare into a video camera lens and say, “Thanks, Obama.” And not in a sarcastic way, either.
Republicans ran, and won, on the promise to repeal Obamacare. Heck, Iowa senatorial candidate Joni Ernst (who also won) said she’s gonna shoot it! Now they must follow through with their statements, and honestly, I’ll get some sick enjoyment watching their rhetorical gymnastics when they explain to 7.3 million people that they’ll just have to suck it up and learn to like being sick because “Obama bad!”
A sharp Democratic candidate could easily have spun Obamacare to his or her advantage. But no. This bunch of Blues were about as sharp as marbles. Most astonishing of all, not one played their star pitcher! Obama himself! You know — the guy who exudes light and hope when he speaks? The one who propelled thousands upon thousands of formerly uninterested, unengaged voters to the polls to support him? Twice? Nope. The stupid, stupid Dems just left Obama sitting on the bench, spitting sunflower seeds.
Consider the Kentucky senatorial race. If ever some stodgy old white weirdo needed to be shown the Congressional exit door, it was Mitch McConnell. Just looking at him makes me uncomfortable, and a little gaggy. His opponent, Alison Lundergan Grimes, also kind of a wierdo, was nonetheless poised to topple that old turtle onto his back. The lesser of two weirdos wins! But no. She had victory within her reach, McConnell teetering on the edge of his shell … and then he did some sort of Senior Mutant Ninja Turtle move and flipped Lundergan Grimes right over instead: He simply asked her who she voted for in the last election.
And she refused to answer.
And not just once.
Lundergan Grimes climbed up on her high horse about the sanctity of the American vote, and how her vote is private, and this election isn’t about Obama, and blah, blah, blah, bull. This election was totally about Obama. It was a basic midterm statement of “Are ya fer ‘im or agin’ ‘im.” But Lundergan Grimes couldn’t even admit she voted for Obama in 2012, let alone supported any of his major accomplishments. Come on, girlfriend. We know who you voted for. If you can’t be honest about something that pathetically transparent, well, Mr. Turtle’s going back to Washington.
And then there’s Obama himself. He didn’t exactly do himself — or anyone else — any favors, either. He’s been mostly reticent and dour throughout the midterm election campaign, and you can’t really blame him. He’s been horribly devalued by half the Congress, and the country, too. I’m sure that gets old. Obama made no attempt to brag on himself a little or shine a spotlight on what he managed to accomplish while facing nothing but opposition every step of the way from Congressional Republicans. The C-Reds operated like an impenetrable Greek phalanx, with one battle cry: “No! No! No!” But not a peep about that from the Commander in Chief. Not even a meek, mild, “Hey, wouldja guys get out and vote”… nothing. Crickets. Like he didn’t even care this time. Don’t want to vote? Fine. Whatevs.
I imagine that Obama, being a serious, pensive guy, recounted all he’d accomplished despite the relentless opposition, and then considered how his own party repaid him by treating him like a big ebola virus in an ISIS hat, and decided, “Fine. You don’t want my support? Screw alla y’all.”
And that’s how the Democrats lost the 2014 midterms, children.
And so, the Republicans are in charge now, with more power than they’ve had in decades. Everything that happens for the next two years is in the palms of their grubby little Red hands. However, C-Reds, before you get too giddy about that, consider carefully: Whether Hillary Clinton becomes the next president is all up to you.
— Email Debra DeAngelo at firstname.lastname@example.org; read more of her work at www.wintersexpress.com and www.ipinionsyndicate.com